It’s been some time now that I wanted to write again, but I never got around to figuring out how to put it into words. There’s so much that God has been teaching me, so much that I can’t quite express. For a while now, I thought my voice has been taken away. My public… Continue reading From Restlessness to Rest
Last weekend, our church had a revival night. All week I prayed for an encounter with God. I kept praying for God to reveal Himself to me, the same way He did a couple years back when I was first starting out. I wanted to experience Him that same way again. I wanted a Holy Spirit encounter again to just blow me away. Saturday passed, and then Sunday — Nothing.
I remember Pastor saying that sometimes God responds not in fire or earth shaking, but in a still small voice– a whisper. I was waiting for fire to come down from heaven and just overflow in me, but God wanted to speak to me in a whisper. So when He whispered I shrugged it off and asked God again to please, ‘Can I please just experience You again that same way?’ — Still nothing.
Then at that point, Pastor started talking about Moses. At how Moses was with God, at how much he desired God’s presence. Moses wanted to know God, but he wasn’t content at that.
Moses Sees the Lord’s Glory
12 One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ 13 If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”
14 The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.”
15 Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. 16 How will anyone know that you look favorably on me—on me and on your people—if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.”
17 The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.”
18 Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”
19 The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh,[c] before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. 20 But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.”21 The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. 22 As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”
Moses wasn’t just content with just knowing God… He wanted His presence to be with him. At this point, God whispered unto my spirit ‘I will personally go with you.’
Pastor continued to exhort and read a part in Deuteronomy.
4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I have now allowed you to see it with your own eyes, but you will not enter the land.”
5 So Moses, the servant of the Lord, died there in the land of Moab, just as the Lord had said. 6 The Lord buried him in a valley near Beth-peor in Moab, but to this day no one knows the exact place.
When Moses died, he didn’t get to go to the promised land. He was able to see it, but not enjoy it. I always saw this as a point of regret. Why did Moses have to make that one mistake, and mess up his chances of getting into the promised land. Just because of that one mistake…
But Moses did get a better part… He knew God face-to-face, and even in his death, God himself buried him.
10 There has never been another prophet in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face.
So when Pastor prayed for me, he said something along the lines of having the kind of heart as Moses… To have that kind of relationship with God. To hold onto Matthew 6:33. (To seek first the Kingdom of God, more importantly… the King) That part continued to stick to me. So many exciting things are happening to the church lately, and I thought to myself maybe I am like Moses in this. Now that the things I’ve been waiting for when I was starting out are happening, I feel a sort of excitement and regret because of my own failure. What if like Moses, I can’t have any part of the promised land except to see it with my own eyes. Would that be enough? Would God be enough?
If there was no blessing, no favor, or anything, but just God Himself, will that be enough?
Even now, I continue to pray for God to reveal Himself to me the way Moses knew Him. Even now I continue to have mixed feelings about it. But if I can’t have a part in the promised land, then God will be my full portion.
Today in our small groups bible study, we read through David’s story once more. 1 Samuel 17, the ever famous David and Goliath story. It’s a familiar story, but this time I pictured myself as one of the crowd of soldiers in the battle line cowering in fear. I was dressed in my full armor,… Continue reading Remembering David and Goliath
Last Friday, I wrote a novel for my January 31 entry. Meant to post it within the weekend. Somehow though… that draft was never saved. 😦 Ugh–
Last youth meeting with the boys, I realized something very important. Honestly, I was not prepared to teach that night. Instead, I shared something that was in my heart for quite some time, ever since talking to Kuya Mike last week. It was a short activity, which is, in a way, my little way of… Continue reading January 27, 2014: Lacking Focus
We’ve been reading through Joseph’s story in the past few days. Today, while reading through it, a question came into my mind. Was it wrong that Joseph was favored more than his brothers? Was it a fault on Jacob’s part that he had loved Joseph more than the others? Was it a fault on Joseph’s… Continue reading January 22, 2014: Is it wrong to dream?
Yesterday, we went ice skating — most of the youth with us. It was my first time. The moment I stepped on the ice was the moment I knew I lost all control of whatever “solid ground” I knew before. As Owen stepped on struggling toward the direction of the other skaters, I waddle behind… Continue reading January 21, 2014: Learning from Ice Skating